Too Late to Be Sorry
by Cheyla
Summary: When Castiel's daughter is named Jane, he remembers the nephilim he killed with the same name and wonder if they were the same person. One-shot. Complete


**Enjoy**!

When Castiel witnessed the birth of his daughter, he was horrified. Not by the process; he still regarded that as a precious miracle. No, he was horrified by the name Dean gave the child. Jane.

For days, Castiel couldn't bring himself to look at his daughter. Half angel, half human, she was nephilim. Something he had been told was an abomination. She even had the same name as the previous nephilim he had met. The one he had killed by mistake.

When Castiel had made that connection, he had nearly thrown up the contents of his stomach.

It forced Castiel to wonder. Were his daughter and that nephilim the same person? Even the thought sickened him. If they were truly the same, then Castiel had killed his own daughter years before she had even been born.

Had Metatron known? Castiel wished that the scribe was still alive so he could interrogate him and then kill him a thousand times over again. If Metatron had known…Castiel couldn't imagine the madness that must have consumed the scribe. There would be no other reason for Metatron to make Castiel kill his own flesh and blood.

A week after his daughter's birth, Castiel had accepted what he felt to be the truth. He had killed his daughter. Dean would never forgive him if the hunter knew. Dean had forgiven Castiel many times in the past but the angel doubted that he would be forgiven this time. Family was everything to Dean and Castiel had exterminated one of the most important parts of Dean's family.

The fallen angel fell to his knees and began to pray. It was odd, praying when he was normally the one being prayed to. However, he needed help and praying seemed like the best option. He knew that he would get no reply, since he had fallen, but just the act of praying would sooth his mind.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned," Cas whispered, closing his eyes but before he could continue, a voice stopped him.

"Cas?"

Upon hearing Dean's voice, Cas tensed. He hadn't expected to be caught praying. He turned his head to face the hunter.

"What is it?" he asked. Dean eyed the fallen angel warily. He knew that Castiel had been out of sorts but he hadn't realized that the angel was so…broken. There were no other words to describe Castiel. He was broken.

"Are you _praying_?" he asked in an incredulous voice. Castiel nodded. "I didn't know angels prayed," Dean commented.

"We sometimes do, especially when we are greatly troubled," Cas replied in a dull voice. "Where's Jane?" Even saying her name pained Cas.

"I put her down for a nap. Are you okay?"

Castiel nodded but he knew that Dean didn't believe him. His tortured silence for the past week informed the hunter otherwise.

The lie caused Dean to snap.

"What the hell, Cas? What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me," Castiel replied in his monotonous voice.

"Really? Because you were praying and you just told me that angels only pray when they're troubled," Dean pointed out, crossing his arms. Castiel closed his eyes.

"I'm just trying to make up for past sins," he said simply. "Because I know it's impossible to change the future."

"You're not making any sense, Cas," Dean said. The angel nodded and got to his feet.

"I know," he agreed and began to walk away.

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" Dean demanded. Castiel turned and faced the hunter.

"Because you wouldn't forgive me if you knew the truth," he said quietly. Dean frowned.

"Don't you think I should decide that?" he asked. "Instead of you just making assumptions. Because making assumptions has always worked out so well in the past."

Castiel couldn't help but flinch, remembering a time when he had made an assumption and killed an innocent girl. When he had killed his daughter because he assumed that she was an abomination.

Frustrated, Dean stormed out of the house, leaving Cas alone with his daughter. The angel heard him leave and was grateful. He sat on the edge of his bed and continued his prayer, this time only mouthing the words instead of saying them aloud.

After a while, Castiel's praying was interrupted by infant Jane's screams. She was awake and she was announcing it to the world.

Castiel wasn't sure of what he needed to do. He knew that he should feed his daughter but he had never been alone with the infant until now. Dean had taken care of her until now. Castiel had never been left alone with Jane.

Gathering up his courage, Castiel walked over to the bassinet. Her hair was dark and she had bright blue-grey eyes. She definitely looked like his daughter.

"Shh," Castiel tried to hush her without picking her up but the nephilim only continued to scream.

Starting to panic, Castiel looked around for some form of help. There was none. Castiel couldn't even find his cellphone to call Dean.

The cries grew louder and Castiel wrapped his fingers around Jane's tiny hand in an attempt to comfort her. For a second, her cries quieted but not for long. When Castiel tried to pull his hand away, Jane's cries increased in volume. The angel's blue eyes widened and he picked up Jane's hand again.

After a few minutes, holding her hand wasn't enough for Cas. The temptation was too great. He had never realized that Jane was so beautiful. He picked his daughter up gently and rocked her back and forth in his arms.

"Sh," Cas whispered again.

Eventually Jane calmed down enough to fall asleep in Castiel's arms. Even after she fell asleep, Cas continued to rock his daughter gently. As he looked down at her round face, his emotions began to overwhelm him.

Suddenly feeling shaky, Cas sat down on the edge of his bed. Tears began to stream down his face.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to his daughter. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I'm sorry."


End file.
